e-Dussehra, anyone?

 thehindu.com  10/18/2020 20:11:07 

Its the festive season, folks! Well, thats what the ads in the newspapers say. It doesnt feel like theres much to celebrate right now though, does it? Plus, even if I was in the mood to celebrate, exactly how am I supposed to? Im not sure its a great idea to go pandal hopping or visit friends just yet. So does that mean, like everything else in life right now, Dussehra will go online too? While that sounds kind of awful, if you think about it, it might not be all bad.

The bright side

Lets look at the pros! Every year, Dussehra means nine days of wearing kurta pyjamas in the evening. Now, I have nothing against kurta pyjamas but it would be great if they were made of dry-fit. Plus, since I hardly wear kurtas, apart from festivals and Independence Day at school, all my sets are either two sizes too large  so I can wear them for a while  or three sizes too small because we havent gotten around to buying me a new one yet! Either way, not comfortable.

The reason I have to wear the kurta pyjama every day is that I have to go with Amma to all neighbourhood homes that have kept golu or are doing special something for Navratri. Now, I didnt mind seeing golus when I was a baby, but Im in middle school now. Miniature cricket pitches made from sprouting coriander seeds arent really my thing any more. Plus, all the Aunties pinch your cheeks and say Youve grown so tall!, Youve become so thin!, You have become so dark!. UUUUUGH! NOT COOL, AUNTIES! Please keep your hands and opinions to yourself!

After theyve told you exactly what they think of how you look, theyll give you a guided tour of their golu, and you have to have a bunch of handy adjectives ready. Mumbling wow and cool just wont cut it. Amazing!, outstanding, mind-blowing are the need of the hour. Makes you wish youd paid more attention to literary devices in English class.

Once youve gotten the grand tour, youll be asked to sing. It doesnt matter if you can or cant, want to or dont. And they dont mean Imagine Dragons or Camilla Cabello or Shawn Mendes; they mean classical music. How do I know? Because last year I sang Seorita, and the look on Amma and all the aunties faces made it very clear that that was not the correct song to sing. Try Lizzo at your own peril.

If were celebrating e-Navratri or e-Golu or e-Dussehra, you can just say there was a network issue, or that your camera isnt working, or that the Mahishasura e-virus corrupted your laptop. The possibilities are endless.

The only con of e-Navratri? How am I going to enjoy all that amazing prasad? Do you think I can ask the Aunties to Dunzo it over?

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